“America Wants A Fair Shot”

Just Because We're Keeping Your Jobs in China Doesn't Mean I Should Lose My Job.

Let us pretend we are a fly on the Oval Office wall. President Barack Obama sits at his desk writing his State of the Union Address. Like all great presidents, he fancies himself something of a speech writer. Alas, his ability doesn’t measure up to his self image, and he is stuck on a phrase.

Americans want a New Deal!” he says with a happy grin.

Can’t use it,” says Hillary Clinton. She lounges sideways on an antique armchair. Her back rests upon the arm of one side, as her knees drape over the arm on the other side. Her attention is focused on filing her nails.

I’m the fucking president,” Obama declares. “If I can order drone attacks, I can use ‘New Deal’ in one of my speeches.”

Can’t,” Hillary argues, pausing to blow on a cuticle. “Roosevelt used it. The Republicans will accuse you of class warfare if you try to bring it back.”

You got a point,” Obama reluctantly agreed. “I’m not going to keep this cushy job another four years without Republican support.”

Don’t want to screw up the gravy train,” Hillary advises. “You can think up something better.”

The Leader of the Free World falls into a sullen silence, broken by the skritching of Hillary’s nail file. Suddenly, the world famous grin spreads across the presidential visage. “I got it!” he declares with a wave of his forefinger. “America wants a ‘Fair Deal’.”

Can’t use it,” Hillary repeats with a sad shake of her head.

What? Now you’re going to tell me that FDR used that one too?” the president groused.

Not, FDR, Truman,” Clinton corrects him.

Well what’s wrong with that?” the president asks, sounding annoyed. “Every one loves Harry Truman. Why the last time I saw Queen Elizabeth, I overheard her muttering, ‘how I miss Harry Truman’.”

Harry Truman was one of those freaks who always told the truth,” The Secretary of State reminded her boss. “You don’t want to drag his name into this administration.”

Obama freezes to let that thought seep through the executive skull. “Yeah,” he admits as he relaxes into his padded swivel chair. “Even American voters will catch the irony of that one.”

Remember, it was irony that brought down Nixon,” Hillary reminds him.

That whole ‘I am not a crook’ thing,” the president agrees. He takes a deep breath and points to his Secretary of State. “Why don’t you think of something?” he commands.

I’ll give it a shot,” Hillary agrees.

They both freeze as the same idea hatch in their minds. The president rises halfway out of his seat while Hillary swings her legs off the chair and stands. “Fair Shot!” they laugh in unison.

Obama takes on a presidential pose. “Americans want a ‘fair shot’,” he deadpans.

It’s perfect!” Clinton squeals, clapping her hands and giving a joyful little jump. “It sounds so free markety.”

Americans want a ‘fair shot’,” Obama repeats. “I am so fucking brilliant!”

Secretary of State

I Can't Believe the Voters Let Me Get Away With Everything

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