Fellow Camp Followers, are you as outraged as I am? Some bean counter at the election board is trying to tell me that Paris Hilton cannot run for president because Paris is too young? Can you believe that? Can you believe the outright audacity of it? This is blatant age discrimination against us dirty old men. How dare they tell mature white male voters that we cannot vote for the candidate of our choice. What is this, Soviet Russia where the state tells us who to vote for?
To make things worse, you will never guess what excuse they used to block Paris’s candidacy? They had the nerve to tell me that Paris cannot run because of the Constitution! Who cares about the Constitution? It’s just a piece of paper, people. I mean, who pays attention to it anymore? Who the hell cares that the Constitution says that you have to be 35 in order to be president? By the time Paris is 35, she won’t be worth voting for. We want Paris now!
The worst of it is the hypocrisy. Right now we have a president in the White House who was not elected through Constitutional means. Nobody kicked Bush out into the gutters of Pennsylvania Avenue just because he cheated in the election. Nobody stops Bush when he gives billions of dollars to Sun Young Moon through his faith based initiatives. Nobody has stopped the government from denying undocumented workers their legal rights under the 14th amendment. Who cares about the prisoners being illegally held in Gitmo, the lies behind the Afghanistan and Iraq wars, or illegal wiretapping? Nobody seems to care about any of that, and some clerk has the nerve to tell me that my candidate cannot run for the presidency? The nerve of some people.
So the bean counters and the nit-pickers are going to waste more tax-payer’s money by making us do this the hard way. The “public servant” I spoke to said that we would have to have a Constitutional amendment in order to be able to vote for Paris. I say why bother amending something that everybody only pays selective attention to? Let’s just ignore the Constitution and vote for Paris anyway. After all, if the current POTUS can just ignore the constitution any time he wants, why the hell can’t we?
So vote for Paris Hilton, the Only Change that Matters in Washington.