A Penny For The Guy?

    Remember, remember the Fifth of November,     The Gunpowder Treason and Plot,     I can think of no reason     Why the Gunpowder Treason     Should ever be forgot.

Remember, remember the Fifth of November, The Gunpowder Treason and Plot, I can think of no reason Why the Gunpowder Treason Should ever be forgot.

I cannot for the life of me figure out how Guy Fawkes became a symbol of revolution.  I see all these anarchist types wandering around with their V masks, and I wonder if they even know who Guy Fawkes really is? It baffles me why a reactionary like Fawkes has been so heartily adopted by the American left.   Why did the main character of V for Vendetta wear a V mask rather than a Che mask, or a Lenin mask, or even an Abbie Hoffman mask? Why Guy Fawkes, for the love of heaven?

The Gun Powder Plot was not, in any reasonable sense of the word, revolutionary.   It was counter revolutionary in the strictest interpretation.   The English Reformation was a social revolution that freed Britain from Papal tyranny.   Under Queen Elizabeth I, the old Norman aristocracy lost their influence in favor of the new merchant class.  Guy Fawkes himself was the son of an upwardly mobile middle class Protestant family.   His father was a minor official in the Church of England, and his mother was the daughter of a dry goods merchant.   Fawkes’s conversion to Catholicism may have stemmed from teen rebellion.

Guy Fawkes and his fellow Gunpowder Plotters wanted to destroy the new Church of England and return England to Papal control.   How can this possibly be seen as revolutionary? Despite popular belief, Guy Fawkes was not the ringleader. That dubious honor went to a hereditary Catholic by the name of Robert Catesby.   The Gunpowder Plot could have been thought up by Sir Edmund Blackadder.  The conspirators rented a house next to the Winchester Complex, planning to mine beneath the House of Lords, pack it with gunpowder and blow it up during Parliament’s opening session.   That way they could get King James, most of his court and family, and all the influential Protestant nobles. The opening of Parliament was delayed three times on account of the Black Plague, yet the tunnel was still not completed. So they rented the cellar beneath the House of Lords and stocked that with gunpowder instead.

If Robert Catesby was Blackadder, then Guy Fawkes was Baldric.   Even though Fawkes knew that the plot had been revealed by a Catholic nobleman who was appalled at the plot, he tried to go through with it anyway.   The guards were looking for him.  They caught him in the cellar with 32 kegs of gunpowder and with fuses and matches in his pocket.   He still tried to lie his way out of it.   He was taken to the Tower of London and tortured while his buddies epically failed at getting away.

That was the historic Guy Fawkes.   He was not the great defender of freedom as portrayed in V for Vendetta.   He was an expendable flunky in a hare-brained plot to stop the wheels of progress and to return England to the “good old days” of Papal domination.   The only advantage to that would have been to the Catholic nobles such as Robert Catesby, who wanted their old power and influence back.   Fawkes himself became a figure of ridicule amongst the British, as shown by this rhyme.

Remember, remember the fifth of November
It’s Gunpowder Plot, we never forgot
Put your hand in your pocket and pull out your purse
A ha’penny or a penny will do you no harm
Who’s that knocking at the window?
Who’s that knocking at the door?
It’s little Mary Ann with a candle in her hand
And she’s going down the cellar for some coal

Guy Fawkes became identified with the Anarchist movement in the early 20th Century.  British Anarchists put up posters with the modern stylized sketch of Fawkes, declaring that Guy Fawkes was the only man to enter Parliament with honest intent.   This was, of course, using Guy Fawkes as a figure of ridicule.   It was meant as a sort of black joke.  Somebody lacking a sense of humor started taking the joke seriously, and the next thing we knew, we had V for Vendetta, and kids wearing Guy Fawkes masks in honor of a man who was trying to put Britain back under Papal control.

The irony is that these kids in their Guy Fawkes masks are pretty well accomplishing what Fawkes set out to do.   They want to destroy government control without replacing the structures that have been destroyed.  In this they actually share the same goals as their neocon opponents.  The result is that money rushes in to fill the vacuum left by the lost structures.  The more government is torn down, the more control falls into the hands of those who have the most money.   This has been going on for twenty eight years and nobody has yet figured out that our loss of civil liberties is equal to the amount of government regulations that have been eliminated.   The American left has not figured out that tearing down the government is a bad idea which will accomplish the opposite of what we want.  The bad guy in V for Vendetta said at the people need to realize that the people need the government.  This is very true. A dear friend of mine, who is a big V for Vendetta fan, adds that the government needs the people’s consent in order to govern.   This is equally true.   Government and the people exist in a symbiotic relationship. When that symbiosis fall out of balance, disasters like the present economic melt down occurs.
This leads us to the present cult of the Constitution. America has become as conservative as the conspirators of the Gunpowder Plot. The American left has not yet realized that by trying to return us to the original Constitution, they want to return us to the times when only property owners were citizens and could vote. Women were chattel, and African Americans were bought and sold like cattle. America has grown beyond those times, and trying to return us to them is only going to place Wall St. in charge of our lives. Looking backwards, even to the days of the American Revolution, is as reactionary as the Gunpowder Plot. There is also the truth that it is easier to destroy what we have in a vain attempt to make the clock move backwards, than it is to build. The more we destroy the government, the more of our civil liberties fall into the hands of Wall St. The only logical step is to rebuild the Government into what we want it to be.
This is perfectly Constitutional.  The Constitution was never meant to be Holy writ, nor is it a mortal sin to change and revise it.  The writers of the Constitution knew fully well that the world changes.  They wrote the Constitution in order to deal with the changing conditions of their own time. They knew the world would continue to change, and built structures of change right into the Constitution.  Hence the constitution was changed to allow all economic classes to vote. In 1971, Richard M. Nixon signed an amendment that changed the voting age from 21 to 18.  Women won the vote in the early 20th Century. African Americans were freed by a Constitutional amendment. We have all the tools we need to change the government back into what we want it to be.   All we need now is a plan.
Planning is the difference between revolutionaries like Jefferson and Burr and morons like Catesby and Fawkes.  Rather than have some vague idea about returning the country to what Tom Jefferson wanted, we need a clear idea of what we want and need as a nation.  There were many movements which had clear and precise goals as to what they wanted the government to be.  The Labor movement, the Suffragist movement, and the Civil Rights movement are three clear examples of revolutionary movements that have changed the nation.  Despite the best efforts of the neocons and their religious lapdogs, we still enjoy many of the benefits we gained from those movements.
Remember that the Constitution was written to be an instrument of the will of the people and not chains to bind us to a past age.   Trying to return the Constitution to the days of the founders is like Guy Fawkes trying to return England to the tyranny of the Pope.  It simply cannot be done.  Maybe Guy Fawkes is really the appropriate symbol for the 21st Century American left, as they lead us to the future with their asses firmly in front of them.
A penny loaf to feed the Pope

Hip hip hoorah hoorah!

A farthing o’ cheese to choke him.

Hip hip hoorah!

Then we’ll say ol’ Pope is dead.

A pint of beer to rinse it down.

A fagot of sticks to burn him.

Burn him in a tub of tar.

Burn him like a blazing star.

Burn his body from his head.

If I Play Enough Videos Games, Will I Be A Real Ninja?

It Was All Goldfinger's Fault

It Was All Goldfinger's Fault

I’ll tell you one thing, September 11th Conspiracy theorists are a tenacious lot.  The only group of people more determined to avoid reality is Right Wing Christianoids. The conspiracy people even use the same bullying tactics and peer pressure arguments that the Christianoids use.   “Why do you believe the government’s story?” is one such accusation they throw at me.  This is reminiscent of the Christianoids telling me that if I don’t believe in Jesus, then I must be worshiping Satan.   Its a black and white thing to these people; if you do not accept their party line then you are a government dupe.   It never occurs to them that both they and the government could be full of it.

September 11th conspiracy folk are in denial about the stupidity of the people who run this once great nation.   I can hardly blame them for that.   It is a hard thing to acknowledge that our leaders have IQs lower than our shoe sizes.   Yet look what happened to New Orleans with Katrina.  The entire Washington cabal was in denial over the situation.  They paid no attention to it.  Then they panicked after they could no longer deny the seriousness of the disaster.  Panic seems to be the constant state of the Bush Administration.  Bin Laden could not possibly have picked a better President to attack.   When the planes hit, Bush and his comic opera cohorts panicked and attacked Afghanistan.  To this day we have no idea what Bush thought he would accomplish.  It was simply a panic reaction to give the people at home the illusion that somebody competent was in charge.

I suspect that September 11th conspiracy people are having trouble understanding the utter depths of stupidity that humanity is capable of.  The idea that utterly incompetent people are running the country scares them to death.  A conspiracy provides them with the same comfort that Jesus supplies to Christianoids.  The idea is that somebody is in charge even if that somebody is Goldfinger.   At least Goldfinger is smart.

One of the arguments that the conspiracy people keep throwing out at me is, how did the government figure out that it was bin Laden so quickly?   Well, it’s like this.  The FBI tried to warn Bush that the attack was going to happen.  The CIA tried to warn Rice that it was going to happen.  They got escorted out of her office for their their troubles.  The Mossad tried to warn Bush that the attack was going to happen.  So did French and Swiss security.   The Swiss know about it.   So after the planes hit their targets, Bush said, “duh, it must have been bin Laden”..

The most damning evidence of Bush’s stupidity is the war in Iraq.  Hey, we all knew that there was going to be a war in Iraq.  We knew that before Bush was elected.  Bill Clinton bombed Iraq to raise himself in the polls.   After he bombed Baghdad he called himself the comeback kid.  Clinton had less provocation than Bush and he came out smelling like a rose.  Bush and his buddies are so stupid that they screwed up.  If it was a conspiracy, don’t you think that the Bush Administration would have cooked up better excuses?   Even Nancy Pelosi is having trouble covering for Bush’s incompetence

September 11th conspiracies are also an emotional outlet for a feeling of powerlessness.  It is an expression of frustration for situations that people feel helpless about.   It’s hard to admit that you lost your home and your job was outsourced to Timbuktu because the people in charge are too stupid to pound sand.   It is also an excuse not to do anything about it.   How does one fight Goldfinger? Nobody even knows where Goldfinger is.  Since unions are vilified in our current libertarian atmosphere, how does one deal with a government that does not listen?  A couple of good national strikes would get Bush’s attention, but strikes would be communist.

Were I George W. Bush, I would be hiring PR specialists by the dozen, and have them cranking out September 11th conspiracies by the bushel. It’s the greatest thing to ever happen to the stupidest administration since Grant.  The idea of a secret cabal calling the shots certainly takes Bush off the hook.   It absolves him of responsibility for all his actions, from stealing the election to the Iraq war. Sometimes September 11th conspiracies remind me of the Royalists during the French Revolution who insisted that the king was being manipulated by a secret cabal of Masons.  Like the Conspiracy people of today, the Royalists would do anything to avoid admitting that their king was stupid.

September 11th theorists will do anything to avoid admitting that we are being led to destruction by morons.  One asked why bin Laden’s people went to the United States to learn to fly when bin Laden had a perfectly good flight stimulator.   Well, if I play enough video games will I become a ninja?  You actually have to get into a plane to learn to fly it.  Simulators just don’t do it for any real flying.   Another argument is that there has to be a conspiracy because the conspirators are still rich.  That argument is straight out of the Protestant Work Ethic.   Of course rich people are smarter than we are.  God made them that way.  The fact that our current crop of political howler monkeys triggered a world wide stock market crash must be part of their cunning plan. This means that the conspirators must be Blackadder and Baldric.   Nobody else could possibly be that stupid.

Bush Is A Tough Act To Follow

Bush Is A Tough Act To Follow