They conspired with the Mossad to destroy the Twin Towers. They have conspired to poison our water with fluoride. They are conspiring to give American jobs to undocumented workers. They have conspired to destroy American freedoms through the income tax. They are like rats in the walls, working tirelessly to undermine the Constitution. Whoever they are, they are a busy bunch of bastards.
So who exactly are they? Nobody really knows who they are. Some say they are “Skull and Bones”; a Harvard student’s club. Others say that they are the International Jewish Conspiracy, and that Israel is secretly running the world. I have also heard that they are a secret cabal of Kaballah masters called the Illuminati. That last one just doesn’t make any sense. The Kaballah is a Jewish mystical discipline. So wouldn’t the Illuminati be part of the International Jewish Conspiracy? Who would I go to for an answer to that question?
Americans seem to love conspiracy theories. There are so many of them. Feminists are conspiring to destroy the American Family through abortion. Unions are conspiring to rob honest libertarians from amassing wealth. The number of conspiracies and conspirators is endless. All the ills of the world are because of some mysterious conspirators are manipulating world events for their own sinister ends.
The utter absurdity of conspiracy theories is enough to give me a migraine. Sorry, America, George W. Bush is not Lex Luthor, and Batman and Superman are not going to depose him. If Magneto was real, he would be in his 90s right now. Dr. Evil is a movie character. There are no evil magicians manipulating the world through Kaballistic Numerology. Two high level stock brokers making a deal on a golf course is not a conspiracy. Even if they did belong to Skull and Bones together, it is not a conspiracy.
Why bother doing anything about the state of the world when it’s all the Illuminati’s fault? Were I a member of the Bush misAdministration, I would be encouraging conspiracy theories as much as possible. I would be hiring on-line guerrilla marketers to post phony conspiracy evidence in chatrooms, social networks, and bulletin boards. I would be hiring ghost writers to produce books that “prove” the Mossad conspired with bin Laden, or that jet fuel doesn’t burn hot enough to melt steel girders. There is nothing that can effectively squash the investigation of real crimes as accusations and phony evidence of false crimes.
Conspiracy theories also serve an emotional need for stability. They assure the American public that there is indeed somebody in charge of their lives. Christianoids have Jesus running their lives, and Libertarians have Thomas Jefferson as their savior. Conspiracy Theorists have the International Jewish Conspiracy to blame their failures on. Conspiracy theories assure us that somebody is in charge even if that somebody is a James Bond villain.
The fact is, we are living in a Capitalist chaos with thousands of different factions maneuvering to take advantage of each other. The big fish are out to eat the little fish, and the rest of us are only here to buy gasoline from them. The United States Constitution gives us both the power and the responsibility to put a stop to this kind of capitalist chaos. We have the constitutional power to enforce limits and reasonable laws to end the abuse in government. We are the actual government, and we are not doing our jobs. It is much easier to put another $150 into the tank of the old SUV and blame the price on those damned Illuminati.
Ultimately conspiracy theories are an excuse to continue to avoid our responsibilities to ourselves, to our nation, and to the world. Nobody conspired to have us ignore the corporate abuses happening in the Middle East right now. Nobody conspired to have us ignore the warnings about Global Warning. Nobody forced us to listen to the Capitalist bullcrap spouted by the neocons. We all know the homeless are out there, we ourselves chose to ignore them. The state of the world is our fault, and only we can fix it.