There are times when I feel as if I am living in a dream. I start thinking that I got really toasted at a frat party and crashed in the back room. Any minute now I am going to be woken up by a horny coed and discover that the last 30 years never happened. Ol’ Rotten Ronnie Rayguns had never been elected president. The American public laughed him out of politics as they reelected Carter in a landslide victory. In the next election Walter Mondale and his running mate, Jessie Jackson will lead America into a golden age where American jobs were never outsourced and unions continued keeping America working. The War on Poverty ended by us kicking poverty in the ass instead of poverty kicking ours. Hybrid cars were introduced in 1985, and subsidized by a tax on the petroleum industry. Global Warming was not stopped, but it was kept in check through careful management of our precious and irreplaceable planet. That’s the reality I wish I could wake up to.
I simply have to accept the fact that I am awake and living in the Red King’s dream. The world is a waking nightmare where the poor are blamed for their own plight as their jobs are shipped off to the mysterious east. One of cable T.V.’s top shows is about a woman who has to sell pot in order to maintain a middle class lifestyle, and nobody sees this as strange. There was a time when I thought the world could not become as surreal as the New Age of the Reagan Administration. Can anything be more ridiculous than grown-ups gazing into crystals while their fellow citizens are being reduced to homelessness, and then blaming the homeless for not being spiritual enough? Holy Protestant Work Ethic, Batman!
At this point, I have to assume that the Red King is peaking on whatever drug he’s tripping on, because now Nancy Pelosi has adopted Paris Hilton’s energy policy. I want some of whatever the Red King’s tripping on! Maybe then I can see something good about off shore drilling and nuclear reactors. Forget about off shore drilling. The difficulty and expense of extracting the oil, combined with the expense and difficulty of refining the crude into petroleum, will not reverse rising gas prices. All it will accomplish is assuring oil company profits. Nuclear reactors are an even more idiotic idea. Reactor grade uranium is amongst the most dangerous substances in the world, and what do they do with it? They use it to boil water for a giant steam engine! If that steam engine runs out of water, the uranium will melt down to the center of the earth and poisons us all. Aside from the peril, reactor grade uranium is even rarer than oil, and will run out in under 20 years of steady use. Besides, the only thing that anyone has thought to do with the waste is use it for tank and bullet casings or to irradiate food. The entire Middle East is going to become an unlivable nuclear wasteland in a matter of years due to depleted uranium, and god alone knows what irradiated food will do to us. Once again, the only thing that nuclear reactors are good for is creating corporate profits.
I think that the Red King is tripping on petrochemicals and we are all sharing his hallucinations. Economists and geologists have been warning us that the oil is running out since I was a young teenager. There is no source of oil as cheap and easy to refine as Middle Eastern oil. We had a taste of things to come back in 1973 and 1979 when OPEC flexed its muscles and embargoed oil to the U.S . We had rationing and rising gas prices then, but all the Red King did was what he needed to do to assure himself a steady supply of candy. Then he went right back to dreaming up idiocies like SUVs and Hummers. What do you think the Red King is going to do when the Middle Eastern oil is really runs out? Other sources of oil are simply not as easy to extract nor as cheap to refine. Oil prices are going to continue to rise until the Red King won’t be able to afford his addiction any more.
Like all addicts, the Red King makes up excuses for his actions. For instance, Intelligent Design is one of those lies. Intelligent Design denies that oil is millions of years old and constitutes the remains of dinosaurs. I.T also implies that God will simply add in more dinosaur juice while we’re not looking. Face it fundies, God is not adding more oil while we are not looking. Maybe in another billion years we’ll be the dinosaur juice that the cockroaches will be using to fill their gas tanks. Until then we are going to have to get ready for when the Red King starts going cold turkey after he can no longer afford the gasoline that powers his delusions.
Right now the Red King is panicking because his candy supply is running short. Like any other junkie, he’s using more of his drug of choice as the panic sets in. Just as a junkie will mug somebody in the street in order to feed his habit, the Red King sent troops into Iraq to make sure he has what he needs to feel good. Rather than rationing himself and making what he has last, the Red King is snorting up the oil like it’s going out of style. Still, the Red King is denying that he has a problem. Everything is somebody else’s fault and never his. The Red King will blame Middle Eastern terrorists for hating America. The Red King will blame OPEC and Hugo Chavez for wanting to make a fair profit on their resources. The Red King will even blame the very geologists and ecologists who have been warning him of his addiction. Everyone gets blamed except the Red King himself.
So where does that leave the multinational oil companies who have been the Red King’s pushers? As oil becomes scarce and prices rise, they are running around like ants trying to keep the Red King calm. They are promising him things they cannot deliver. They are promising to do something about the price of gasoline in defiance of the laws of supply and demand. Other sources of oil are too hard to extract and too wasteful to refine to be cheap and profitable. Yet the oil corporations are telling the Red King that exploiting our Alaskan wilderness and ruining our beaches with off shore drilling will bring back cheap gas. McCain, Obama, and Clinton are proposing energy policies that could have worked in 1979, but the Red King didn’t want to cut his Oil Consumption back then. He was busy denying that he was an addict and claiming that he could stop anytime he wanted. Today it is too late. They are crushing oil out of shale in Saudi Arabia, and the Iraqi oil fields are on fire. The Red King is starting withdrawal right in the face and he’s panicking so badly he’s ready to send out the troops to mug Iran.
So what are the multinationals going to do when the Red King starts going into withdrawal after over 100 years of petrochemical addiction? They are going to do what any pusher will do when they are about to get caught; they are going to run away. They are going to pack up all their oil profits and disappear. When the tweaked out Red King comes looking for them, all the Red King is going to find is Barack Obama in the White House. That’s right people, America’s oil pushers are going to leave the Black Guy holding the bag while the Red King tweaks.